It's almost 5 in the morning... Bro introduced this song, and it suited my mood perfectly well. Yeah, I'm officially missing you. I do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5W1sctPVdE

Boredom Killed

lavender potpourri

the view outside my apartment

the penguin designer


fish's laptop

Dugong's green tea!
and a stick of Marlboro Dunhill

finally, its done.

Dreads

I just deleted my latest composition seconds ago. There are just so many many thoughts buzzing through my mind, wanting to come out. Each thought changes its setting, the arena, the environment....everything. Why am I so damn fickle-minded? The composure in me has been fluctuating every now and then, and it freaks me out sometimes.

I really need a good rest.

I need a trip to sail me away from all this rubbish. All this mind-boggling thoughts. All the what IFs?.

Am I going insane? Paranoid? Disillusioned? I can't seem to get the answers right.

I just want to feel the breeze in the mountains, to hear the sounds of sea waves hitting on the rocks, to smell the scent of lavender, to lie on a sandy beach while watching stars shimmer at night.........

and I want it so badly.

Cracks on the Glass Ceiling

I really wonder if the concept of "glass ceiling" effect exist in Malaysia contextually. Or if this phenomenon existed more obvious in other countries, besides a country like ours? I ponder for awhile after my presentation on the topic of Women's Career Advancement in our Malaysian context. Suggestions and constructive comments from the floor gave me a deeper insight of how I should be conducting my research. Was it a good presentation? I asked myself that question several times, seeking feedback from other course mates and the professor.

Some of the comments given triggered my thoughts. A PhD student suggested that the methodologies used should be a "mixture" of quantitative and qualitative approach in getting data from the respondents. Another suggested that my specific objectives should exclude some elements that I have included earlier. With almost the completion of my research, I felt bothered with these comments. Another student, a Research Assistant in my varsity had been really helpful. Even after our class, she took some of her personal time to assist me, advising me on how I should continue the research after those comments by others. She was so thoughtful that she even arrange a meeting for me with the professors over the weekend. That... was something I have never thought a person would do for another person that she barely knows.

Another thought arise though out my drive home. I was overwhelmed by the concern of these people that I only met once a week, a three hour duration. They reach out their hands regardless of the different race and ethnicity. Somehow I believe that the 1Malaysia implementation existed in between the lines.

Anyways, after the presentation, I got to know that one of my classmate, a female, had just been promoted to a VP post in the banking industry. Well, I guess the glass ceiling has its cracks somewhere....somehow.

The war begins.

Three weeks of hell starting tomorrow...,

and after that I'll be on cloud nine!






Fingers crossed that things will turn out just fine.

shadows

so many ups and downs in a split of second,

undisclosed history appeared like snow flakes,

the clouds swayed away, allowing the thunder storm to resurfaced,

cold and chilly,

motionless..

breathless..

strangers filled the gaps of sorrow..

blunt and dark,

hidden yet pained,




how long will this feeling continue to taint?

2008, 2/9/09

I really need some time on my own. The hectic schedule and bad time management has eventually got me caught up. I began to slack and care less of what I am supposed to do.

I just wish I could get away from here, leaving everything aside and wander alone for a while. I am not hiding or running away from reality. I know what I need to do and how to face it. But I desperately need a break.

It's almost 5 in the morning. Tried closing my eyes to get some rest but in vain. Yes, something bothers me very much. Even when I dreamt of you, the message stood still as if we were in reality. I am speechless right now. I just don't know how to express myself like how I used to. The gap that we talked about continues to walled us... I don't know if you realized that too. I want to be frank, I want to stand by you whenever you needed someone. I just want to borrow you my time, no matter how long it takes to see you being happy again. But deep down inside, I know the long silence between us has made us grown apart. I just wish the "balcony hours" stays fresh in your memories. Those times when we could just talked about anything, everything.

I have to admit, I felt upset seeing the pain that you are going through. Please don't get me wrong. There isn't any hidden intentions that causes this feeling. It's not the feeling that I once had. I hope you understand my thoughts right now.

I know the pain is unbearable. I just wish that there is something that I could do to carry your tears away.

Fizzles..

It is not about winning or losing. There is no definite winner or loser in it. Equilibrium? I guess it is something that cannot be measured.

Enjoy the process of loving someone without making any calculations, any hesitation, any doubts. That matters most.

Reminiscence..

Years passed..

Every moment goes on without you..

Your smile.. Your gentle caresses..

The way you made me feel..

The way I fall every single second our eyes met...

...................





I miss you.

Hilarious!

Some feels that by condemning others, they will feel better. Some on the other hand realized the fact that others felt challenged when those belittling words were constructively arranged. Somehow, I find it tickled me as I am faced with this situation. I laughed at the actors who tried to give their best shot (in their persuasive manner) to change or influence others to think and behave like them. In other words, to get someone to do something they intended the person to do. Hilarious, is the word that I would best describe them because they do not realize that their plans actually work the other way round even though it looked as if it worked perfectly well.

The question that we should ponder is whether they actually realize the fact that we are actors as well. Or maybe by showing that we were really dumb, they felt that the victory is theirs? Ironically, how a person acts and reacts are two completely different dimension though both elements will interlock one another. To assess a particular subject, shouldn't we actually look at the root of the problem rather than looking at the symptoms of these problems?

My significant learning? Think before you speak.

4.36 a.m.-Some silly thoughts..

The first week ended with lots of thought running through my head. The challenge that I faced everyday seemed to fade me away as time goes by. I am sprinting as fast as I could to catch up with the rest, but the further I ran, I find that I am losing myself. I cannot see my old self in the mirror. What is duplicated on it is just a forlorn figure.. begging for more hours in a day, hoping that things will be better, hoping that the optimistic thoughts will glow brighter.

I used to go through the same course of life that I am facing now. Back then, I would just burst my anger and frustrations without giving much thought. I was so childish that I thought by venting out the anger on others, I would feel better. I did not even look at the root of the problem. All I got in return was a temporary relieve and two broken hearts. Have I not weigh the pros and cons before getting into an argument? How can I allow my heart to react faster than my mind? These are the silly things that I would still reminisce with a light smile - a smile that reminds me of how absurd my actions were. Yes, we learn through mistakes and these mistakes eventually taught us to become better in future. It is indeed too late to realize it as damage has been done. No rectification could be made.

In the same time, I think that whenever things go wrong and damage has been done, we should always remind ourselves of the consequences of beginning a "war" when there is no definite winner or loser. Winning a conflict involving partners does not bring joy and glory to the relationship. Instead, visible and invisible cracks would be formed, the latter bearing greater impact. I may not speak as a "relationship guru", but these are my experiences that I feel I should share with people around me.

I remembered passing a newspaper article to a friend of mine-"To Love and Cherish". The content of the article soothe the emotions of the rowdy and brings comfort for those who have doubts in their relationships. My first impression of this article is that it connects people's thought, transforming words into action. I agree that even though it may not be something easily practised, it is worth trying.

Anyways, maybe what I've wrote in this blog will make me look like a dimwit. No doubt, I care a lot for my friends without expecting anything in return. Though it hurt a little to see how things work, I guess this is reality. Regardless of this, love yourself more because without it, there is nothing called love.

The Climb

"I am feeling the words in this song"....



The Climb-Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going

And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about

It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

Whoa a oh oh



*Waiting for the day when all that I've ever dreamed comes true*.

Back to school

It's 11.55 p.m. at the moment. Just got up almost an hour ago. Tired. Exhausted. Took a light dinner and here I am, facing the laptop screen with my fingers tapping on the keyboard. I felt a sense of fatigue in me. I wonder how long I can take the immense pressure. Though today was the first day of classes, I've already felt the strong presence of this very subjective term, stress. In addition, work has not been easy either. The jittery "vigil-ed" in me though I have tried to keep calm and remorse. The positive side of it, I am glad that I didn't flare my temper at work.

Realizing that I was going to be late for my class, I suggested to that particular person that I will simplify the documents without leaving out any data. But I was taken aback when I was asked to re-do the document as she needs to present it out. Looking at my watch, I knew that I will definitely be late on the first day. Anyways, I re-do it according to the specifications given and leave the office as soon as I can. Sped all the way home, grab whatever that is on the dining table and drove over for classes.

By the time I reached the entrance, I was already late. Found my way to the faculty and without any hesitation, entered the hall for the first lecture. I was 15 minutes late and luckily the professor was not annoyed by my entrance. Took a back seat and observed around. It has been almost 7 months since I left UTAR, and right now, I am back to studying again. I found myself amazed by the number of adult learners. Yes, it is never too late to step into higher education. My course mates, most of them are working adults with GLCs give me a sense of adulthood in a way. I don't deny the fact that I reached adulthood years ago, but the fact that you'll be studying in a different environment with different kinds of mindset enhances my curiosity. I really can't wait to see and understand how these new faces would share their knowledge and experiences with me.

Anyhow, classes ended earlier today. First days were mostly orientation and get-to-know sessions. Went home after it finished. Took my shower, online for a while..and I am off to my bed. I am tired.

But still, I wonder what lies ahead of me tomorrow. Another adventure to pursue. I just can't wait.

Thoughts.

Had a restful nap this evening. Came home from work roughly about 3.15 in the afternoon. Had a light lunch, watched Silence of the Lambs and a little of CJ7. Yeah, I'm being a potato couch once in a while :)

Anyways, working life has indeed taught me many precious lessons. Things that you will not get it elsewhere, but through experiences and hardships. I don't deny that at times, things can be so sickening till it suffocates you. But once you're through that bumpy ride, you'll realize what is left on your finger tips. Though it has only been 4 months of work, I just felt as though it has been a very long time. Work has been stressful enough this time around. Implementation of new systems, follow-ups.. and worst, classes will start this coming Monday.

Well, the time table has not been an advantage to me. Classes starts in the evening and ends at night. Just imagine, having to work from 8.30 to 5, and then rush for classes. Sighs. I really don't know how I'm going to get through this, but like what a friend has told me.. "Nothing comes easy". I truly understand what her meaning was. At times, when people from all walks of life come and tell u things that will pull you down and belittle your faith, I find that rather than taking their words in a negative way, why not pivot it into something more positive? Yes, saying is easy but doing it is a completely different task. But, how would you know if you haven't try?

I know that it will be difficult to balance so many things in one time. I have to give my best shot. Because if I don't, I'll never know how far I can go.

And as for those that keeps on belittling, their words somewhat had inspired me in a very different way.

Unconditional

The air that I breathe.. The smell of the tulips.. Nothing is ever the same again.

My mind shifts vigorously whenever that phrase appears. My temporal lobe, though might be weary is still contaminated by it. Contaminated in the sense that it is forever stored in it. Those words, excruciating me. Yes, it stripped off my dignity. No matter how hard I fought, I find myself drowning with those words. I do not know what I did to deserve such remarks. Was it a gimmick to spun me away from where I am now? I couldn't find the answers.

As I tried to be positive and reasoned myself in various ways, I placed myself in other's shoes and finding for the right comforting words. My conscience was clear and I had nothing to hide. But what slammed me was the reaction that I got in return. It weakened my soul, making me feeling like a fool that always cared so much for others rather than myself. Sighs. I felt blunt. I don't know what are the options that are left with me. What hurt me most was the episode ended in a weary way. Everything moved on but I was left wounded, as if nothing ever happened. I grasp for the slightest thing that was left in me. My pride.

Please forgive me for leaving this way. I cannot blame you but myself. I chose to love and care, unconditionally. I chose to take the pain, without hesitation. I chose to leave, without looking back... ever again.

Somehow or rather, I know we will meet again someday. And as time goes by, my prayers are still with you. It never stops. That's how much I value us.

Being true.

Too many things had happened this time around. Though there are many words that can be expressed, the solemn surrounding brings that thought away. Whenever friends around me have doubts or uncertainties in any issues, I have never hesitate to be a listener, or even lending them my shoulders to cry on. Every time when complicated issues arises, I am willing, and never without fail, be the unbiased person and tell my thoughts away.

Somehow, this time I find my unbiased nature being questioned. Even though it was just a gut feeling of mine, I am certain that this is how exactly people will feel when they are being cared for by certain people. Probably the timing wasn't right as they might feel that their personal conditions are being snooped. For once, I felt extremely upset over this matter as I know what I am doing was just to show my sincerest concern, and that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. I felt that my freedom as a friend has been violated. What concerns me more is just that all the while, every one around you cared so much for you. But yet, you feel as if they had betrayed you in a way. I was stunned and shocked with this finding, not understanding what has caused you to felt this way. For some, this might not even be a slight matter. But mind you, I chose my friends wisely and will not trade anything for them. That is how much I cared and value them. Value, not in monetary terms, but through genuine actions.

Well, I know I feel much better after this post and I hope that you can read between these lines. There is nothing more I could do besides hoping that you can see a clearer picture. Till we meet again.

Your Song..

The wavered soul hangs motionless on my window pane. Pondering.. staring gently at me as I gaze at her face. That face, never leave me for a single second. And I, walks away from time to time just to get rid of her presence. And when I need a comforting cuddle, here I am again, back to the loyal soul that never leaves me.

Self-centered seemed to be the only word that appeared in my mind. I am running at my own pace, running to chase my hopes and dreams without taking into consideration what I am about to lose at the same time. And as I run further, you were still there. Waiting for me to get through everything that I have always wanted. I ran with my life hoping that you'll stop watching me move further because when you gaze at me, the tracks split in seconds.

Sighs.. I know this is my own weakness, not yours. I cannot juggle things perfectly well. But as I've set my priorities, I realize that this hurts us very much though we may not be able to express it. Deep down inside, I hope you'll know how much you meant to me. I have to admit it......, I am kissing the rain.

Don't Quit

Came across this poem and I find it really meaningful. I think it would be thoughtful for me to share it with all of you. Here it goes:


Don't Quit

When things go wrong,
As they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is a queer, with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow-
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seemed so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seemed worst that you mustn't quit.



Inspiring, isn't it?

Finally!

Working life has been rather mundane today. It is a Saturday morning, whereby most of my friends are off and I guess they are still on their beds at this moment. Sad to say, work is still on for me even on Saturdays. I don't really like the idea of working on Saturdays probably because I cannot hang out late, doing what I usually do the night before.

Had roughly about 3 hours sleep yesterday night. Drove over at about 11 something to pick you up. A sense of elated broke the dreadful thought of having to work tomorrow morning. Probably it was because we haven't meet up since the last incident. Waited for roughly about 5 minutes and soon after, we were already on our way. When we reached, you look totally different. You seemed perplexed. Probably the surrounding of the area did made its way in disguising the interior ambiance of this place. I guess yesterday night was your first time there. Ordered our drinks and we were off giggling at the silly things that came across our minds. Well, I wasn't drunk or anything, but we really had a great laugh over everything! Of course there are times when we had serious conversations about our job, our life and the things happening around us. I felt so much relieved after voicing out on issues that we have been avoiding for quite some time. Regardless of whatever the issues are, we manage to overcome this little boundary by expressing our sincerest thoughts and opinions. I really think that things were again on a smooth track.

Drove you home after that and finally reach my apartment at about 2 something. Was feeling so damn exhausted. It has passed my 10.30 p.m. ritual bedtime. By the time I got home, my head had begun to take a slight spin. I guess the Draft has taken its toll. Still, my mind resist to take a rest, allowing it to freely reminisce on the things we did. It wasn't really an awkward situation, but rather, I smell freedom at the sight of you. Everything that we spilled out was so harsh and yet, it was so true.

I now feel as though there are no chains locking me up, nothing that binds that lousy feeling trapped inside of me. I finally realized that those vicious memories are gone.

I'm sorry to let you down. It has not been easy for me either. There are so many unspoken words that has been frozen deep down inside. I want to scream out all those words, but I choked each time I tried. Nothing has been easy. Every time I pushed myself harder, I felt as if I am pulled back even further than how far I've been. I listened to every words you uttered. Though it did hurt a little, I know that all you are doing has been for my own sake. I am really sorry to let you down from time and time.

As for now, I am shunning myself from the outside world, waiting for the right time to deliver what I've promised. All I am asking is just for a little more time.

My side of story.

I have tried to distant myself from you. Yes, I understand that what you are doing is purely on a friendly basis. Regardless of that, I hope you see that there are certain things that I wish to keep private and unattended. I do not mean any harm by posting up this particular post. I just want to tell you exactly how I felt after such a long absence from everything.

A few weeks ago when you broke the news to me, I have to admit that I was disappointed and happy in the same time. You knew exactly how I felt. But as time passes, I thought it was obvious to you that I have already let go off everything. What alarmed me was that when you knew the fact on everything that was happening at that time, why make such an issue out of it? Why do you degrade me and made me looked as if I am still clinging on it? I thought I have made myself very clear, through my actions and words. Sighs.. I have kept myself in control of the things I did, and yet, isn't that enough? Please stop making me looked like an idiot. I have my pride and dignity too.

There is one particular song that clearly explain my feelings. Though there are some parts of it that may be irrelevant to this scenario, I hope that you can understand the main purpose of this song.

Doin' Just Fine by Boyz II Men

There was a time when I thought life was over and out
When you went away from me
My dying heart made it hard to breathe
Would sit in my room
Because I didn't want to have to go out
And see you walking by
One look and
I'd break right down and cry

Now you say that you made a big mistake
Never meant to take your love away
But you can save your tired apologies
'Cause it may seem hard to believe, but

I'm doin' just fine
Getting along very well
Without you in my life
I don't need you in my life
But I'm doin' just fine
Time made me stronger
You're no longer on my mind

You were my earth
My number one priority
I gave my love to only you
Anything you'd ask of me
I would do
But somewhere down the road
You felt a change in the weather and told me
that you had to journey on
A kiss in the wind and your love was gone

Now you say you never meant to play your games
Girl don't you know it's far too late
Because you let our love just fall apart
You no longer have my heart

I'm doin' just fine
Getting along very well
Without you in my life
I don't need you in my life
But I'm doin' just fine
Time made me stronger
You're no longer on my mind

When you said goodbye
I felt so all alone
There were times at night I couldn't sleep
My heart was much too weak to make it on my own
Baby after all the misery
And pain you put me through
So unfair to me girl
You're no longer my world
and I ain't missin' you at all

I'm doin' just fine
Getting along very well
Without you in my life
I don't need you in my life
But I'm doin' just fine
Time made me stronger
You're no longer on my mind

See baby when you walked away
You didn't think
it would end up this way
But I knew
you'd come around someday

I hope I did not provoke or harm your feeling. I just want you to know how is it like to be me, to listen to things that frustrates you when you thought that things are done. Anyways, I am happy for all the good things in your life right now. And as for my side of story, life goes on, friendship blooms and the good things starts to roll in place. You take care.

Tell me..

I thought it was merely my own assumptions. You called and said that after the ceremony, we should meet up and take a few shots. Yea, why not. I remember at that time, it was drizzling quite heavily. The place was pack. Sardine-packed. Everyone was rushing up and down, trying to find the best place for their photo-shooting. We called each other a few times, trying to allocate both of our locations. As mentioned earlier, the place was extremely congested. Walking under the rain with our robes on while trying to find one another was definitely a difficult task.

After 20 minutes of hustling and bustling on both sides of direction, we manage to catch up with one another. As I looked at you, with both your hands stretched open, I was afraid. As for my side, I simply smiled and just gave a light tug. I don't know if I did the right thing, but from your gestures and body language, I know I offended you in some way. I am sorry.

Sighs, I really don't understand myself either. I wish I could tell you what is it that I really want.

The past few weeks has never been smooth sailing. Tons and tons of problems arises even though it cannot be seen from the surface. It troubled me, made me feeling restless every now and then, even though I do not have any faults in those matter. Those petty matters causes conflict, internally, and deteriorate relationships. I was stuck in the middle all the time. I felt like a pawn, being moved here and there in a game of chess. It feels as though those players do not really care if they ever lose you in their battle of minds. I do not know if this prediction of mine is true, likewise, it is actually better not knowing the real thing.

I guess everything happens for a reason. We learn from every mistakes that we made or occur to us. Yes, some say those mistake makes us stronger. Yet, some may fall and never regain their throne at the end.

Anyways, I am going to start on a new path soon. There's nothing more to ask for besides having a sunny side up for a change :)

Weeks and weeks of slacking at home since my last final year paper. The waiting time for an interview dreads me to the maximum. However, those that call wasn't something I have in mind. Sad to say, I have actually turn down 4 interviews in the process. It was not an issue I am proud of, but I guess I really have to look into what I really want.

I thought I have finally secure a job the other day. Went for my first job and was hoping that things will turn up fine. I guess I was wrong. After a few hours of training, I left the company (better not mention which co... for precaution sake). Don't get me wrong, it was not because of laziness or the environment of the working place, but it was due to my integrity and "promises" made by the other party. Yea, left the place and the next thing I know was I nearly got sued for breaching the contract. Damn it. I didn't know what went on the next few hours but the person-in-charge didn't call back right after the last call. I guess it was off.

However, whenever I recall the waiting time for the return call, I could still feel the jittery feeling inside me. I am so glad that you actually called and comforted me in your own way. Though that kind of comfort was those hard-core ones, I know that was your style.. In a way, you have "screwed" some senses in me, making me realize things that I always thought I can manage. Those words that broke the silence between us that day made me see the hidden pictures that actually set those barriers. I never know that I had so much of weaknesses in me until you spilled up the beans. I have always look up to you, no matter which aspect it is. Your words (though not much), have a big impact in everything that is laid before me. Thanks, boss. You are the best!

Walking the talk is always the hard part to deal with. I guess the word she presented me the other night was truly what I needed. Thanks, Joan.

The blackout

I saw you watching me as I jogged away from your house. I have not go for my jogs near your place ever since you walked out years ago. The wounds still itch sometimes when I thought of you. Yeah, it has been years... The look on your face was a big question mark. Excited? Puzzled? I wasn't sure.

Somewhat, it reminds of an incident that happened during the blackout in 2001. I can see your apartment clearly from mine. And the idea just popped in. We decided to use the torch light to "communicate" with one another.. As it was entirely dark outside, the dim light from our torch lights could still be seen even we are far apart. I have to admit that it was fun even though at first I thought the idea was childish and it may not work. Not realizing that even after so many years I could actually still remember this event :)

Pondering alone.... I could still remember our laughter and astonishment that particular day.

I need it.....

Went to MV with Babe today... The initial plan was to look for whatever jobs that land in front of us, regardless if it is a sales exec (a nicer name for a promoter, i guess). Walked around and saw a vacancy in DKNY. At first, I really wanted to walk in and ask if there is a vacancy, but some how or rather, I did asked myself " You're a degree holder and you want to work as a promoter??!!!". Sighs, cancelled that intention and the both of us went straight for drinks.

Chatted a lot and pour out everything to her. At these times when the economy is so bad, companies retrench their employees, pay and working hours was cut... Everything looked so negative. As fresh graduates, these are the times that really tested our patience. When we desperately find for jobs, placing expected salary as low as we could, and continue to wait for an interview. This sounds a bit desperate, I know. But isn't that better than not doing anything, lazying at home and be a potato couch?

Sighs.. I admit it. I am really desperate for a job. Damn it!

The year 2009

The New Year has taken its place. Fireworks, I missed them this year. I was just outside a club (or rather a pub), waiting to get into it. But what the heck, its just fireworks anyway. This year's new year has been rather dull and mundane. Everything is just the same. Not much difference though.

A day after the new year, results were out. Was still sleeping soundly when the message tone woke me up. "Results are out already!!". Without any hesitation, I jolted up from my warm bed and head straight to the pc. Typed out my user ID and password...waited a few seconds and....
PASS. I was out of words. Before the exam, my feet were numb. I was so afraid of this paper. I was so afraid that the same s*** will hit me again, no matter how hard I've worked for it. It took me for awhile to find my composure. I did it. I managed to get through.

What lies ahead of me is still a very blurry vision.. I wanted to break through all those hurdles and run free.. But deep down inside, I know it's going to be a tough ride. Can I get through these s***?