Unconditional

The air that I breathe.. The smell of the tulips.. Nothing is ever the same again.

My mind shifts vigorously whenever that phrase appears. My temporal lobe, though might be weary is still contaminated by it. Contaminated in the sense that it is forever stored in it. Those words, excruciating me. Yes, it stripped off my dignity. No matter how hard I fought, I find myself drowning with those words. I do not know what I did to deserve such remarks. Was it a gimmick to spun me away from where I am now? I couldn't find the answers.

As I tried to be positive and reasoned myself in various ways, I placed myself in other's shoes and finding for the right comforting words. My conscience was clear and I had nothing to hide. But what slammed me was the reaction that I got in return. It weakened my soul, making me feeling like a fool that always cared so much for others rather than myself. Sighs. I felt blunt. I don't know what are the options that are left with me. What hurt me most was the episode ended in a weary way. Everything moved on but I was left wounded, as if nothing ever happened. I grasp for the slightest thing that was left in me. My pride.

Please forgive me for leaving this way. I cannot blame you but myself. I chose to love and care, unconditionally. I chose to take the pain, without hesitation. I chose to leave, without looking back... ever again.

Somehow or rather, I know we will meet again someday. And as time goes by, my prayers are still with you. It never stops. That's how much I value us.

Being true.

Too many things had happened this time around. Though there are many words that can be expressed, the solemn surrounding brings that thought away. Whenever friends around me have doubts or uncertainties in any issues, I have never hesitate to be a listener, or even lending them my shoulders to cry on. Every time when complicated issues arises, I am willing, and never without fail, be the unbiased person and tell my thoughts away.

Somehow, this time I find my unbiased nature being questioned. Even though it was just a gut feeling of mine, I am certain that this is how exactly people will feel when they are being cared for by certain people. Probably the timing wasn't right as they might feel that their personal conditions are being snooped. For once, I felt extremely upset over this matter as I know what I am doing was just to show my sincerest concern, and that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. I felt that my freedom as a friend has been violated. What concerns me more is just that all the while, every one around you cared so much for you. But yet, you feel as if they had betrayed you in a way. I was stunned and shocked with this finding, not understanding what has caused you to felt this way. For some, this might not even be a slight matter. But mind you, I chose my friends wisely and will not trade anything for them. That is how much I cared and value them. Value, not in monetary terms, but through genuine actions.

Well, I know I feel much better after this post and I hope that you can read between these lines. There is nothing more I could do besides hoping that you can see a clearer picture. Till we meet again.

Your Song..

The wavered soul hangs motionless on my window pane. Pondering.. staring gently at me as I gaze at her face. That face, never leave me for a single second. And I, walks away from time to time just to get rid of her presence. And when I need a comforting cuddle, here I am again, back to the loyal soul that never leaves me.

Self-centered seemed to be the only word that appeared in my mind. I am running at my own pace, running to chase my hopes and dreams without taking into consideration what I am about to lose at the same time. And as I run further, you were still there. Waiting for me to get through everything that I have always wanted. I ran with my life hoping that you'll stop watching me move further because when you gaze at me, the tracks split in seconds.

Sighs.. I know this is my own weakness, not yours. I cannot juggle things perfectly well. But as I've set my priorities, I realize that this hurts us very much though we may not be able to express it. Deep down inside, I hope you'll know how much you meant to me. I have to admit it......, I am kissing the rain.