My side of story.

I have tried to distant myself from you. Yes, I understand that what you are doing is purely on a friendly basis. Regardless of that, I hope you see that there are certain things that I wish to keep private and unattended. I do not mean any harm by posting up this particular post. I just want to tell you exactly how I felt after such a long absence from everything.

A few weeks ago when you broke the news to me, I have to admit that I was disappointed and happy in the same time. You knew exactly how I felt. But as time passes, I thought it was obvious to you that I have already let go off everything. What alarmed me was that when you knew the fact on everything that was happening at that time, why make such an issue out of it? Why do you degrade me and made me looked as if I am still clinging on it? I thought I have made myself very clear, through my actions and words. Sighs.. I have kept myself in control of the things I did, and yet, isn't that enough? Please stop making me looked like an idiot. I have my pride and dignity too.

There is one particular song that clearly explain my feelings. Though there are some parts of it that may be irrelevant to this scenario, I hope that you can understand the main purpose of this song.

Doin' Just Fine by Boyz II Men

There was a time when I thought life was over and out
When you went away from me
My dying heart made it hard to breathe
Would sit in my room
Because I didn't want to have to go out
And see you walking by
One look and
I'd break right down and cry

Now you say that you made a big mistake
Never meant to take your love away
But you can save your tired apologies
'Cause it may seem hard to believe, but

I'm doin' just fine
Getting along very well
Without you in my life
I don't need you in my life
But I'm doin' just fine
Time made me stronger
You're no longer on my mind

You were my earth
My number one priority
I gave my love to only you
Anything you'd ask of me
I would do
But somewhere down the road
You felt a change in the weather and told me
that you had to journey on
A kiss in the wind and your love was gone

Now you say you never meant to play your games
Girl don't you know it's far too late
Because you let our love just fall apart
You no longer have my heart

I'm doin' just fine
Getting along very well
Without you in my life
I don't need you in my life
But I'm doin' just fine
Time made me stronger
You're no longer on my mind

When you said goodbye
I felt so all alone
There were times at night I couldn't sleep
My heart was much too weak to make it on my own
Baby after all the misery
And pain you put me through
So unfair to me girl
You're no longer my world
and I ain't missin' you at all

I'm doin' just fine
Getting along very well
Without you in my life
I don't need you in my life
But I'm doin' just fine
Time made me stronger
You're no longer on my mind

See baby when you walked away
You didn't think
it would end up this way
But I knew
you'd come around someday

I hope I did not provoke or harm your feeling. I just want you to know how is it like to be me, to listen to things that frustrates you when you thought that things are done. Anyways, I am happy for all the good things in your life right now. And as for my side of story, life goes on, friendship blooms and the good things starts to roll in place. You take care.

Tell me..

I thought it was merely my own assumptions. You called and said that after the ceremony, we should meet up and take a few shots. Yea, why not. I remember at that time, it was drizzling quite heavily. The place was pack. Sardine-packed. Everyone was rushing up and down, trying to find the best place for their photo-shooting. We called each other a few times, trying to allocate both of our locations. As mentioned earlier, the place was extremely congested. Walking under the rain with our robes on while trying to find one another was definitely a difficult task.

After 20 minutes of hustling and bustling on both sides of direction, we manage to catch up with one another. As I looked at you, with both your hands stretched open, I was afraid. As for my side, I simply smiled and just gave a light tug. I don't know if I did the right thing, but from your gestures and body language, I know I offended you in some way. I am sorry.

Sighs, I really don't understand myself either. I wish I could tell you what is it that I really want.