An assurance.

Extremely tired after today's 5 + hours, back-to-back lectures. Submitted the assignment that I've worked on till about 4 in the morning. Manage to "wake up, sleep back & wake up" again at about 9 this morning. Not too bad, 5 hours of sleep. Reached office late, something that I hated most. I just don't know why I could not force myself to wake up earlier, and reach office on time. I wished I had more hours in a day, allowing me to sleep later and wake up earlier, and finish whatever tasks that has continue to pile up for quite some time. I do not deny that I am a slacker sometimes, but I have tried harder than usual to finish up the heavy workload at work and at varsity. Probably I am just a half-slacker? I really don't know how to characterize it.

Some people annotated that I am pushing myself too hard, causing that fatigue look that I am picturing to others. Some even said that I am staggeringly stressed up, something that I do admit. Sighs, this semester has really tested my diligence not just once, but uncountable times. I have been having monologues and questioning my own credibility. Others have continued to encumbrance my thoughts by their consistent positive remarks. It is not that I do not like to be appreciated, but the fact that when people expect more from time to time, it has somewhat become a cynical challenge that could lead to calamitous results. Maybe it will not reach the burn-out stage, but to think of the tasks that is ahead of me, the jittery feeling starts to seep in.

Somehow, I just know that I will do well ultimately. All I need is just some persistence and determination. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I know I can.

Lock-out

I just can't do it anymore. I am missing you, and yet, I have to comprehend to what my mind tells me. You have indeed erased my past memories, bringing a new hope in my life. No words can be express to how it feels. Deep down inside, I know you knew.

 

Lost

The scenario..... unforgettable. I couldn't force myself not to think of the possibilities that might erupt during that time. I felt as though I have left a world filled with troubles and hardships. You transformed me into something that you are inevitable of. I am lost again. Lost in words, lost in actions. I am so lost in you.

The way you looked into my eyes. The smile that you flashed in my mind. Was it just a hallucination? Was I thinking too much? These questions just kept repeating on its own. And yes, it is a mixed feeling deep down inside. I wasn't sure of how it would be if it goes on this way.

Sighs. I have been sighing eversince it occured. Damn it. Damn that feeling inside me. I just want to concentrate on what is important now. But the thoughts of you kept floating in my mind.


I just can't resist it.

GO AWAY

Woke up early this morning. My mind wanders far away, recalling the feeling I once had. I tried to lie back and relax. But each time I tried, I could only see your face.

Why???!!! It is so mind-fucked. Why do you appear when I am supposed to let go? I hate this feeling. I know the fact that there is no possibility to this. I knew it long ago.

SIGHS.

Each time when you are around, my heart raced. I want to let you know how much you meant. The deep thoughts are putting everything in pieces.... but i just can't find the words.