It's almost 5 in the morning... Bro introduced this song, and it suited my mood perfectly well. Yeah, I'm officially missing you. I do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5W1sctPVdE

Boredom Killed

lavender potpourri

the view outside my apartment

the penguin designer


fish's laptop

Dugong's green tea!
and a stick of Marlboro Dunhill

finally, its done.

Dreads

I just deleted my latest composition seconds ago. There are just so many many thoughts buzzing through my mind, wanting to come out. Each thought changes its setting, the arena, the environment....everything. Why am I so damn fickle-minded? The composure in me has been fluctuating every now and then, and it freaks me out sometimes.

I really need a good rest.

I need a trip to sail me away from all this rubbish. All this mind-boggling thoughts. All the what IFs?.

Am I going insane? Paranoid? Disillusioned? I can't seem to get the answers right.

I just want to feel the breeze in the mountains, to hear the sounds of sea waves hitting on the rocks, to smell the scent of lavender, to lie on a sandy beach while watching stars shimmer at night.........

and I want it so badly.

Cracks on the Glass Ceiling

I really wonder if the concept of "glass ceiling" effect exist in Malaysia contextually. Or if this phenomenon existed more obvious in other countries, besides a country like ours? I ponder for awhile after my presentation on the topic of Women's Career Advancement in our Malaysian context. Suggestions and constructive comments from the floor gave me a deeper insight of how I should be conducting my research. Was it a good presentation? I asked myself that question several times, seeking feedback from other course mates and the professor.

Some of the comments given triggered my thoughts. A PhD student suggested that the methodologies used should be a "mixture" of quantitative and qualitative approach in getting data from the respondents. Another suggested that my specific objectives should exclude some elements that I have included earlier. With almost the completion of my research, I felt bothered with these comments. Another student, a Research Assistant in my varsity had been really helpful. Even after our class, she took some of her personal time to assist me, advising me on how I should continue the research after those comments by others. She was so thoughtful that she even arrange a meeting for me with the professors over the weekend. That... was something I have never thought a person would do for another person that she barely knows.

Another thought arise though out my drive home. I was overwhelmed by the concern of these people that I only met once a week, a three hour duration. They reach out their hands regardless of the different race and ethnicity. Somehow I believe that the 1Malaysia implementation existed in between the lines.

Anyways, after the presentation, I got to know that one of my classmate, a female, had just been promoted to a VP post in the banking industry. Well, I guess the glass ceiling has its cracks somewhere....somehow.

The war begins.

Three weeks of hell starting tomorrow...,

and after that I'll be on cloud nine!






Fingers crossed that things will turn out just fine.

shadows

so many ups and downs in a split of second,

undisclosed history appeared like snow flakes,

the clouds swayed away, allowing the thunder storm to resurfaced,

cold and chilly,

motionless..

breathless..

strangers filled the gaps of sorrow..

blunt and dark,

hidden yet pained,




how long will this feeling continue to taint?

2008, 2/9/09

I really need some time on my own. The hectic schedule and bad time management has eventually got me caught up. I began to slack and care less of what I am supposed to do.

I just wish I could get away from here, leaving everything aside and wander alone for a while. I am not hiding or running away from reality. I know what I need to do and how to face it. But I desperately need a break.