Lock-out

I just can't do it anymore. I am missing you, and yet, I have to comprehend to what my mind tells me. You have indeed erased my past memories, bringing a new hope in my life. No words can be express to how it feels. Deep down inside, I know you knew.

 

Lost

The scenario..... unforgettable. I couldn't force myself not to think of the possibilities that might erupt during that time. I felt as though I have left a world filled with troubles and hardships. You transformed me into something that you are inevitable of. I am lost again. Lost in words, lost in actions. I am so lost in you.

The way you looked into my eyes. The smile that you flashed in my mind. Was it just a hallucination? Was I thinking too much? These questions just kept repeating on its own. And yes, it is a mixed feeling deep down inside. I wasn't sure of how it would be if it goes on this way.

Sighs. I have been sighing eversince it occured. Damn it. Damn that feeling inside me. I just want to concentrate on what is important now. But the thoughts of you kept floating in my mind.


I just can't resist it.

GO AWAY

Woke up early this morning. My mind wanders far away, recalling the feeling I once had. I tried to lie back and relax. But each time I tried, I could only see your face.

Why???!!! It is so mind-fucked. Why do you appear when I am supposed to let go? I hate this feeling. I know the fact that there is no possibility to this. I knew it long ago.

SIGHS.

Each time when you are around, my heart raced. I want to let you know how much you meant. The deep thoughts are putting everything in pieces.... but i just can't find the words.

Treasures

Classes started 2 weeks back. Everything seemed as usual; coursemates, professors, new mates... Nothing new, except for the new subjects that I would be taking this semester. The tougher it is, the more challenge you would have to duel with.

I am faced with a couple of dilemma the few days back. Getting the news that a person I knew verbally was diagnosed with cancer eventually jolted me up. I was stunned. I am still stunned with the result of the diagnosis. An individual at the age of 29 with an extremely bright future is all gone. It made me wonder why is this individual being caught up with such a trial in her life. There are so many asses out there in this world who deserve this more than her. So why does HE draws up this path for her? I really don't know what are the reasons beneath this "surprise".

In life we often strive so hard to make a better life for our own & the people around us. For me, no matter how tough these trials & tribulations would be, if by striving harder that I can make a change, it would not be tough at all. I have seen many people who do not need to work hard but finds a good route in their life, & vice versa. Some people really worked their ass off but in the end, it ended too fast that they do not have enough time to really enjoy what they have hard-earned. Ironic, isn't it?

Probably in life, we should not expect too much. All we should do is just to treasure every single second of our lifetime without any hesitation. Even if we are not in a mood for anything, we should realize that the clock is still ticking. And before it stops ticking, we should tell ourselves that we have live life to the fullest. No regrets of our past.

It's almost 5 in the morning... Bro introduced this song, and it suited my mood perfectly well. Yeah, I'm officially missing you. I do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5W1sctPVdE

Boredom Killed

lavender potpourri

the view outside my apartment

the penguin designer


fish's laptop

Dugong's green tea!
and a stick of Marlboro Dunhill

finally, its done.

Dreads

I just deleted my latest composition seconds ago. There are just so many many thoughts buzzing through my mind, wanting to come out. Each thought changes its setting, the arena, the environment....everything. Why am I so damn fickle-minded? The composure in me has been fluctuating every now and then, and it freaks me out sometimes.

I really need a good rest.

I need a trip to sail me away from all this rubbish. All this mind-boggling thoughts. All the what IFs?.

Am I going insane? Paranoid? Disillusioned? I can't seem to get the answers right.

I just want to feel the breeze in the mountains, to hear the sounds of sea waves hitting on the rocks, to smell the scent of lavender, to lie on a sandy beach while watching stars shimmer at night.........

and I want it so badly.