Ss & Sb

I am thinking about it lately, putting my thoughts into place and penning it down in words. The grace that was given by Him led me to positive thoughts and bringing good vibes. In a few more hours, we will be in a fellowship of peace and strong understanding. 

Looking forward to all that is coming back - grateful and rejoicing!

Open My Eyes

Sunday. Another few hours to go before Monday transcends its blues; metaphorically. It was easy today when my schedule was packed and I have lesser time to think. Though it was just another day, the feeling of having to wait for more hours to pass by seemed like years.

Looking back, maybe I was in denial all the while. Having to live without you for days has been difficult. I thought I would not feel this way but yes, I did and the feeling was unbearable at times.

Just wish that you are here tonight.

Ticking away

We are apart for more than 14 hours, with a distance of about 2200 kilometers. Perhaps this is the true test of time that could change our lives. Having used to have you by myside each day makes me thinking of you every second when you are away.

When we agreed that no communication or whatsoever during this period, I knew my heart would yearn for you as it beats gently. As you've said, "Be patient, we are just a few days apart - time flies and when you don't realize it, I am home in your arms". It is indeed a test of patience and solidarity, and if you've managed to overcome your emotions and anxieties, you willl know the path that lies ahead.

Missing you very much.

The mind speaks

A very long break from my blogging scene. Now that I am unemployed & had finally finish my Masters degree, I found the time to start doing things that I have long forgo. First and foremost, I am a little frustrated today.Why? Because I find it rather amusing to see how people would think sometimes. If you do not give people the opportunity to learn, would they be able to absorb and learn, and gain the experiences that you do not even want to allow them? The answer is obviously a big no-no. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think the society these days are rather selfish and self-centered as they are afraid that others may be well better off than them, if given the opportunity. It is a realistic world out there and it is also weird in a way because we are all living in a world where man eats man, and either one of us have to live.


It is no longer a world where all of us were given the equal chances to live our dreams. No matter how much knowledge you have gained, it goes back to square one when we are talking about experiences. Philosophers had said that "Knowledge is Power" but does it reflect the real world that you and I are living in?

Shouldn't it be a time for us to reflect ourselves and judge a person based on all that he or she has? And of course, we should be less cruel and more humble when it comes to matters pertaining to living beings. Acknowledging that our life here on earth is just a temporary period, isn't it fair to give one another a chance to see how far they can go?

I still believe that each of us have a purpose here on earth.

Sentiments.

Got back home from varsity late tonight, long lecture and a short discussion. Exhausted, but worry at the same time. At times, I just wonder what the hell are we trying to gain when we push ourselves to the limit and at the end of our life we "go back" with whatever we had when we "came". Nothing.

Yes, we find happiness and pleasure when we are still in the living world. But is it for eternity? I doubt so. Perhaps we can still reminisce what we had experienced in our life when we were still around. I find it so manipulating that we are brought into a life where we will grow as adults, go through our career, find a life time partner, grow old and then we will die one fine day. No doubt there would be ups and downs when we go through the cycle of life, there would be hardships that we have to endure, there would be great times that could take our breath away. However, I feel that all these are just transition periods that all living things have to go through when they are brought here. At the end of the day, no one actually knows where will we be brought to after our last breath, how are lives would be after death.

To know a person that is dying in a week's time jolted me up, and what is written above are the thoughts and sentiments I felt. To work so hard for something that is not for eternity, to go through all uncertainties, to weep on every emotional moments.

I ask myself this everyday,"Have you ever live life to the fullest?". I am still seeking for the answer.

If the day comes when He decides to take you away, may you R.I.P.

Discernment

38-hours...the longest sleepless day/night.
Why do I care?
Why is this so mind fucked?
Is it really that tempering?






I should just stop boggling my mind and place it at ease.

Doom

Another day passed without any assignments got worked out. Feeling blue, reflecting on what has been done. Disgusted, I cannot picture what have I caused. Where else can I pour out on how I felt about the entire episode? It is the first time that I behaved in this manner and the reaction I got has been truly upsetting. Sighs.

I know I just cannot turn back time or pretend like it was something that I would be proud of. It was an embarrassment in my books. Or should I say it was an embarrassment in others' books as well. I hate to wake up each time after booze and feeling fucked up. But to feel fucked up and got fucked again would definitely be the no. 1 enemy. What else can I say to defend myself when it was obvious that I am the one to be blamed? No more words to describe this feeling in me. Numb to all these hustling and piercing words.

What has happened is already in the past. This episode would definitely be a reminder. I guess it would be hard for others to believe if I could turn to a new leaf and change my ways. To add, I knew I cannot blame them for having this point. All I could do now is just to concentrate on making the change. I just got to work harder.